Someone once said "Life is what happens when you've made other plans!" So true...

Funny how things work sometimes, isn't it?  This journey started for me in October, 2009, and believe me, it was NOT at all what I had in mind!  

My husband is always very punctual about everything; including medical tests.  I usually "try" to be on time, but as I have gotten older, that seems to have gotten harder and harder for me to do.  I am ALWAYS running a few minutes late!  (I can hear my daughters all snickering in the background as I type this.  Excuse me, while I remind all three of them, "I Know Where You Live!")

Anyway, I was somehow a year late to get my colonoscopy done.  I made every excuse in the book from not having time in my busy daily schedule to fit in the appointment, to having a sensitive gag reflex (which would make it difficult to drink the prep liquid), to feeling fine and not needing to have this test. Something inside me (call it a premonition or whatever you want) told me this was NOT a good idea and that something would inevitably go wrong...

Let me preface this by saying that I had been having strange symptoms for almost a year including anemia, unexplained weight gain/bloating, and muscle cramps, that my doctors couldn't explain.  I had also been through several tests plus a couple of blood transfusions. So, suffice it to say that my husband "dragged me kicking and screaming" (not really, but I was so nervous that I almost hyperventilated) into the Endoscopy/Colonoscopy Center.  My blood pressure was slightly elevated (go figure?), but somehow they were able to put me under the anesthesia and do the test.

As I slowly awoke, I realized that the doctor and my husband were both standing over me with concerned looks on their faces.  I was far too groggy to understand much of what was said, but we were told that they had found what looked like cancer in my colon and that surgery would be required.  It took me a few minutes to process this information.  I felt like I was in a dense fog, but when I realized the enormity of what I'd been told, it felt like the rug had been ripped out from under my feet!  

Anyone who has gone through something like this will tell you that you go through a myriad of emotions...everything from disbelief to fear to anger and beyond!  The emotion that has stayed with me from the beginning has been anger; at this disease and what it can take from you.  But, in a way that has been good, because that anger has given me the ability to fight like crazy to stay alive. The people who know me well, would tell you that I am a fighter to my very core and don't easily give up on anything.  I think that maybe that's one of the reasons I am still here, living with this disease.  

This journey has not all been about anger, though...It has been tempered with joy, surprises, love, and humor.  I have found that one of the things that gets me through the toughest times is my ability to laugh and find humor in some of the most difficult or overwhelming situations you can imagine!  I have found great comfort in that and in my faith.  

I hope you'll continue to follow me on this journey, 'cause I am in it for the Long Haul!  - Barb