Living in the Moment

You know that saying:  "When God closes a door, He opens a window"?  Well, I have definitely experienced that recently.  It's funny how when you resign yourself to accepting a situation and make peace with it, sometimes life throws you a curveball...That is the way this journey has been for me all along.  Each time I have been faced with this disease taking me in a direction, something unexpected happens or our direction suddenly takes an unexpected turn.  This sometimes makes it hard to determine what to do next, or how to plan events in my daily life. It's kind of hard to explain, unless you have lived through something like this.

People my age are talking about becoming "empty nesters", when their youngest child goes off to college, or gets married.  Or planning for retirement with their spouse.  Or how/where they will celebrate an upcoming holiday or a family vacation for next summer.  When you are faced with a life-threatening illness, your perspective of these events changes drastically...sometimes you can't even plan for what you will do tomorrow, let alone next summer or five to ten years from now!   (The question on everyone's mind, especially your own, is:  "Will I Be Here?")

I am here to tell you that even though those questions are like "the elephant in the room", you just can't let yourself go there.  Let's face it, people; "self pity isn't pretty"!  Yes, it's human nature to wonder about these things.   But, it takes far more energy to worry about the outcome of things you cannot change, than to make the most of the time you have with the people you love.  Whenever I feel like I am "slipping" into what I refer to as "worry mode", I remind myself that I have already outlived the prognosis for my illness.  To me, that means that I have a purpose for still being here.  That God isn't finished with me yet and I have more to do here on this Earth!

Someone very wise told me to "always live your life to the fullest, because tomorrow is not guaranteed to us".  When you are sick, you tend to spend an exorbitant amount of time contemplating your life; not just the memories, but what you still want or hope to do.   How many times have you told yourself "I'll do that later, when I have more time/am not so busy/retire, etc."?  I know I am guilty of this and realized one day, that there is no time like the present to do some of the things I have put off for one reason or another.  Not because I feel like I won't get to do them, but because we shouldn't make those excuses.  

I admit, I am a list maker, and always have been.   It helps to keep me organized and it feels good to me to cross things off my to do list as I finish each task. Now, I am talking about day-to-day activities, NOT a "bucket list".   But, suddenly, I felt like I should put down the to do list and stop pressuring myself to get things done unless they truly had meaning to me.  (Of course, I still do things like laundry, cooking, etc.)  But, I started by making a list of things I enjoy doing and haven't done as much as I'd like...painting, gardening, cross-stitching, reading, sewing, cooking, etc.  

And, believe it or not, I have actually begun doing them!  I cross-stitched three pictures for my baby granddaughter's room, and helped paint a mural on her wall before she was born.  Made a list of all the books I wanted to read, and have become a "regular" at our public library and also, the nearby bookstore. Have gone to the movies, spent more quality time with my kids/grandkids and gone on more "date nights" with my husband.  I've started working in the garden again, now that the Texas weather has gotten cooler. And, have started a new "trend" at my house...painting!  In  fact, you will probably laugh when I tell you that I spent about two hours (locked in my bathroom, to avoid interruptions) painting and the result was better than I thought it would be...No, I didn't paint the walls (which I have been known to do on a whim, and my husband can attest to the "surprising" results), but I painted an actual picture on canvas!  I call it my "Tree of Life".  (See it below)  My daughters, grandson, and even one of my nieces have enjoyed spending time painting recently, as well.

It's NEVER too late to enjoy your favorite hobbies, or whatever it is that you like to do! Take it from me, it's much better than leaving those things on the "back burner" or putting them off entirely.  Get out there and enjoy your life!    Be present and live each moment to the fullest!  You'll be surprised at how much better it makes you feel! - Barb